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Tuesday, 16 March 2010

Ben Priest

Original by Oren Lavie, Yuval and Merav Nathan

Attempted rip-off by Ben Priest.

Oh fuck. 

If anyone caught 'Inside John Lewis' the other day 
on the BBC, they'd have witnessed Ben Priest
showing all the world what a colossal vagina he is. 

On the program, the marketing manager of John
Lewis goes to Adam & Eve to see their new 'ideas' 
for the John Lewis Christmas campaign. 

In the presentation, Ben shows the marketing man
a clip on YouTube of this promo:

According to the voiceover, Ben has been 'inspired' 
by it.

Really? 'Inspired' as in 'influenced'? As in 'has had 
his own imagination sparked off by it so that he 
conceives something of his own?

Oh right. 'Inspired' as in 'saved the embarrassment 
of trying to have his own idea and failing so utterly
that he wonders why the fuck it says 'creative' on 
his ridiculously inflated pay slip, or why he even
bothers to breathe, the cunt'.

Now I see. 

Having shamelessly presented somebody else's 
work in the meeting, Ben then goes on to present
a series of executions ALL OF WHICH ARE
IDENTICAL TO THE VIDEO, except that instead
of objects relating to the track, the objects are
presents from John Lewis that the sleeping 
people are dreaming of. 

So basically, the promo but with a John Lewis
logo and the end. 

Fortunately, the marketing man doesn't like the
idea, thereby thwarting Ben's attempt to do his job 
without doing any work.

But still, fucking unbelievable.

I suggest a new program; 'Inside Ben Priest'. 

With the barrel of a loaded revolver pressed
against his clammy temple we force Ben to snort 
a tiny camera up his stupid face, whereupon the 
miniature device searches his entire body for any
shred of creativity. When, after years of navigating 
shit-clogged arteries it finally discovers a creativity
gland as shriveled and useless as an 
octogenarian's cock after a three day bath in cold
piss, we beam the footage to every household in 
the land before blowing Ben's brains across the 
keyboard of the laptop on which he spends his 
days sifting YouTube for ideas to steal and his 
nights trying to yank some life into his jaded cock. 

Absolute fucking universe-enveloping cunt.