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Tuesday, 16 March 2010

Ben Priest

Original by Oren Lavie, Yuval and Merav Nathan

Attempted rip-off by Ben Priest.

Oh fuck. 

If anyone caught 'Inside John Lewis' the other day 
on the BBC, they'd have witnessed Ben Priest
showing all the world what a colossal vagina he is. 

On the program, the marketing manager of John
Lewis goes to Adam & Eve to see their new 'ideas' 
for the John Lewis Christmas campaign. 

In the presentation, Ben shows the marketing man
a clip on YouTube of this promo:

According to the voiceover, Ben has been 'inspired' 
by it.

Really? 'Inspired' as in 'influenced'? As in 'has had 
his own imagination sparked off by it so that he 
conceives something of his own?

Oh right. 'Inspired' as in 'saved the embarrassment 
of trying to have his own idea and failing so utterly
that he wonders why the fuck it says 'creative' on 
his ridiculously inflated pay slip, or why he even
bothers to breathe, the cunt'.

Now I see. 

Having shamelessly presented somebody else's 
work in the meeting, Ben then goes on to present
a series of executions ALL OF WHICH ARE
IDENTICAL TO THE VIDEO, except that instead
of objects relating to the track, the objects are
presents from John Lewis that the sleeping 
people are dreaming of. 

So basically, the promo but with a John Lewis
logo and the end. 

Fortunately, the marketing man doesn't like the
idea, thereby thwarting Ben's attempt to do his job 
without doing any work.

But still, fucking unbelievable.

I suggest a new program; 'Inside Ben Priest'. 

With the barrel of a loaded revolver pressed
against his clammy temple we force Ben to snort 
a tiny camera up his stupid face, whereupon the 
miniature device searches his entire body for any
shred of creativity. When, after years of navigating 
shit-clogged arteries it finally discovers a creativity
gland as shriveled and useless as an 
octogenarian's cock after a three day bath in cold
piss, we beam the footage to every household in 
the land before blowing Ben's brains across the 
keyboard of the laptop on which he spends his 
days sifting YouTube for ideas to steal and his 
nights trying to yank some life into his jaded cock. 

Absolute fucking universe-enveloping cunt.

Thursday, 11 March 2010

Mark Biernacki and Steph Mackie & Rob Purnam

Original by Pleix

Rip off by Mark Biernacki and Steph Mackie & Rob Purnam

Here's Rob the director droning on about his fucking dog food advert as if it's the opening titles of Raging Bull, the twat:

"The ‘Catch’ spot was to be a series of shots of dogs looking with anticipation as a piece of dog food is flying through the air towards them. We shot close-ups of the dogs at 1000 fps. The result was really wonderfully anthropomorphic. The super slow motion really captured this intense sense of desire in the dogs’ eyes. To me it was equal parts awe inspiring and hilarious to see so rich a palate of personality in a dog’s facial expressions. A few days after the shoot I started to get emails from Mark, Steph and the editor Chris Parkins with the different iterations of the spots cut to different music selections, all of them interesting for different reasons. But then they put footage from the two spots together to form this new greater whole that really exploits the dynamics of the dogs’ athleticism and their emotive personality in slowed time.”

"The super slow motion really captured this intense sense of desire in the dogs’ eyes."




Next time you want to give your fucking slow-motion wonder-gizmo a whirl, film THIS: someone capable of original thought carves the script for a dog food ad onto a Lego brick and launches it out of a dog's arsehole. As it arcs through the air - and you, Mark and Steph simultaneously stop massaging Pedigree Chum into each other's hairless ball-bags and gaze up with desperate drool-chinned craving at the only original idea you've ever been within twenty feet of - the super slow-motion can capture the intense sense of desire in YOUR fucking eyes.