Ben Priest

Original by Oren Lavie, Yuval and Merav Nathan

Attempted rip-off by Ben Priest.

Oh fuck. 

If anyone caught 'Inside John Lewis' the other day 

on the BBC, they'd have witnessed Ben Priest

showing all the world what a colossal vagina he is. 

On the program, the marketing manager of John

Lewis goes to Adam & Eve to see their new 'ideas' 

for the John Lewis Christmas campaign. 

In the presentation, Ben shows the marketing man

a clip on YouTube of this promo:

According to the voiceover, Ben has been 'inspired' 

by it.

Really? 'Inspired' as in 'influenced'? As in 'has had 

his own imagination sparked off by it so that he 

conceives something of his own?

Oh right. 'Inspired' as in 'saved the embarrassment 

of trying to have his own idea and failing so utterly

that he wonders why the fuck it says 'creative' on 

his ridiculously inflated pay slip, or why he even

bothers to breathe, the cunt'.

Now I see. 

Having shamelessly presented somebody else's 

work in the meeting, Ben then goes on to present

a series of executions ALL OF WHICH ARE

IDENTICAL TO THE VIDEO, except that instead

of objects relating to the track, the objects are

presents from John Lewis that the sleeping 

people are dreaming of. 

So basically, the promo but with a John Lewis

logo and the end. 

Fortunately, the marketing man doesn't like the

idea, thereby thwarting Ben's attempt to do his job 

without doing any work.

But still, fucking unbelievable.

I suggest a new program; 'Inside Ben Priest'. 

With the barrel of a loaded revolver pressed

against his clammy temple we force Ben to snort 

a tiny camera up his stupid face, whereupon the 

miniature device searches his entire body for any

shred of creativity. When, after years of navigating 

shit-clogged arteries it finally discovers a creativity

gland as shriveled and useless as an 

octogenarian's cock after a three day bath in cold

piss, we beam the footage to every household in 

the land before blowing Ben's brains across the 

keyboard of the laptop on which he spends his 

days sifting YouTube for ideas to steal and his 

nights trying to yank some life into his jaded cock. 

Absolute fucking universe-enveloping cunt.